On the outside I looked like I had it all together, on the inside, it was a shit storm.
Confusion, depression, suicidal thoughts, despair, aloneness in the worst possible way.
As a 17 year old young woman, I reached rock bottom; my final year of high school, the only thing that kept me together was focusing all my energy into my school studies, and low and behold I graduated with amazing marks, and got into the best university in Queensland. At the same time, I was clinically diagnosed with depression; depersonalization disassociation disorder, paranoia and anorexia..
But hey, the appearance was most important right? Keep your shit together, suck it up, and for God’s sake don’t be so sensitive.
When I turned 18, it all came out, parents divorced, the truth was revealed. The lies of the family sexual abuse that had been swept under the rug and dismissed as ‘normal’ were highlighted by my rage and mass exposure of what happened. The dismissal response and the attempt to sweep all under the rug infuriated me even more.
The path to sexual freedom and liberation began consciously on this day.
Unconsciously it began as a 6-year old girl.
Reclaiming my erotic innocence & saying Yes to pleasure.
Wow this is a theme of society, not just someone who has been sexually violated. But what I realize on this path is most of us have been cut off from our pleasure, our sexuality and bodies either through direct trauma, or just by living in a world dominated by fear and sexual repression...
An excerpt from 'Made Beautiful by Scars- real women's stories'
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