This relationship was undoubtedly, bringing up more darkness in me than all the sessions, workshops and trainings put together, which meant it was also the biggest catalyst for my growth.
I had never experienced a love like this. It was an initiation into my sacred feminine where I was constantly faced with two options: Complete destruction at the helplessness of having absolutely no control, or complete awakening through allowing the dark to birth more light.
In the end, I realized that for this ‘initiation’ to reach its full potential, I had to dis-entangle myself from him. The crucial key was when I decided to 'leave' the crucible FOR GOOD and put an end to that which was the most challenging thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. But also the most empowering!
After leaving the relationship, I wondered who I was before I was diagnosed with cervical cancer...but I could not find her again. The little princess who was uncomfortable with her pain and who wanted to be rescued by a King was burned alive and in her place was a woman who knew that she was her own hero and that THAT is what would make her a Queen.
It was that part of me, the princess, that I grieved for a very long time. Am still grieving at times actually. I also let go of the part of me that thought I was un-loveable - the part that made me such an easy target. I love knowing that I deserve love. I love that I no longer turn crumbs into gold. I love that I now know how to ask for what I need and assert healthy boundaries...
An excerpt from Made Beautiful By Scars- real women's stories
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